Where am I heading?

As much as I act all indifferent when it comes to my future, I do think about it a lot. I'm 25 with nothing to proudly show for it. I'm confused. A university education and a lot of money doesn't make a person successful, and it doesn't bring happiness. But I do know that the education helps open doors, and that the money helps things run smoothly.

I'm torn between my obligations as a Muslim, and my wants as a young adult in a big city. When I go through the news papers and read articles on Muslims in Iraq fighting and dying for their religion, but not just in Iraq anywhere, I feel ashamed that I'm in Malaysia with all the comforts of an urban dweller. What makes it worse is that I'm not taking full advantage of what I have been given. I'm not useless but if I'd stayed focus, practiced my religion, and followed my parents advice, I'd be in a better and more stable condition then where I am now.

I want to live my life with no regrets, but I have so many. Too many things I've taken for granted. Too many opportunities wasted. I'm at this point in my life based on everything I've done, and every decision I've made, yet I don't believe in changing ones past because who we are is defined by what we've been through. I guess it's human nature to always think "What If?". Many nights have I spent laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling procrastinating on "What If?". I hate that sentence. "what If?" is a sentence I do not want to use, but always seem to fall back on.

maybe I shouldn't have gotten engaged yet. Maybe I'm not prepared for it economically and emotionally. I can hardly take care of my self, can I take care of "M" now?

was getting engaged me doing what I thought was the right thing to do? Or was it what I felt I wanted to do. After going out with "M" for 4 years and going through a lot together was it just the next logical step? Only time will tell.

all I have left to do is make sure it works, and that I do all I can to make her happy. God willing things will work out for the better. It's about time I be responsible for my actions